do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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