I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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