I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
