What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
