Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
