So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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