walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
how drunk are you?
Several
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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