Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
whose parrot is this?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize