Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
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