My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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