Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
