Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
No subtext here. People are naked.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
