Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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