Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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