I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
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