we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
