I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
