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You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
