I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
