Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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