So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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