apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
