my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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