I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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