In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
