It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
