Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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