I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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