a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
