i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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