I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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