So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
