Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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