Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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