giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
