she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
