jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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