Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
