You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
