I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
