So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
