her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
