Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm having to shit out rocks
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
