i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
