Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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