Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
