once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
