I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
