I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
