mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize