Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
