whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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