I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
