So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
