I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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