mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
