come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
im six kinds of drunk right now
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
