If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
