I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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