hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
