That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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