so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
