she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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