I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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