so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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