i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
