I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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