she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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