either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
