four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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